Saturday, November 2, 2002

Alma 19:8-10

"And he said unto the queen: He is not dead, but he sleepeth in God, and on the morrow he shall rise again; therefore bury him not.
And Ammon said unto her: Believest thou this? And she said unto him: I have had no witness save thy word, and the word of our servants; nevertheless I believe that it shall be according as thou hast said.
And Ammon said unto her: Blessed art thou because of thy exceeding faith; I say unto thee, woman, there has not been such great faith among all the people of the Nephites."
Alma 19:8-10

You know, this woman's desire to believe is what strikes me this morning... and I think about the scripture in Alma 32 that compares the word to a seed... "even if you can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you..." and this woman had desire.  I don't even know her name, but this is one of my favorite figures in the scriptures.  She allowed herself to believe, despite all the apparent evidence to the contrary.  Instead of giving in to cynicism and doubt, she allowed herself to be vulnerable, and she took that step into the unknown, and trusted God, who she had never known before.  In our lives I think we all come up against moments like this, where we want to believe really strongly.  ... and usually we push the thought away, worried about appearing to be overly religious, or worried that we'll be disappointed and thought a fool for believing in the first place... there are so many many things that get in the way of giving in to that pure desire to believe.  ... but, just as with love, it takes a little vulnerability to learn faith.  We'll never see the miracles unless we can suspend our disbelief a little, take the step... trust, as a little child, that God will come through.  The cynicism and doubt are normal... expected.  We're human.  We throw up protective barriers every time we are exposed to even the slight possibility of pain or disappointment.  But to truly become better than we are... to truly taste those things that are beyond our current knowledge... we have to let go of some of that protection.  We have to risk ourselves, our thoughts, our feelings, our hearts... risk everything on the desire to believe.  The possibility of miracles. :)  And when we do, that's when we find out that it is all real... that the door to the universe stands open, and when we believe we can become anything, do anything... including reaching heaven.  including erasing the most anchored addictions.  including salvaging the most broken relationship... anything worth doing, we can do.  I'm looking forward to the walking on water class myself. :)

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